Through, Not Around by Allison McDonald Ace

Author:Allison McDonald Ace
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dundurn
Published: 2019-01-25T16:00:00+00:00

I lost five good years to my so-called infertile life. My struggle to conceive changed me. I no longer force myself to be perfect; I realize that I’m happy being perfectly imperfect. I now make a consistent effort to check in with the people in my life. I care more about how they are doing. I care less about materialistic things and more about just being happy with myself and my life story. Of course, my Type-A brain continues to micromanage the domestic doings of our household. But I have learned to let go. I no longer think that I’m entitled to a picture-perfect life. I now know that no matter how much I try, some things just don’t work out as planned, and that’s okay. After my parental leave, I chose to reduce the juggling in my life. I have fought hard to be a mom and I want to give my family my best. I want to give my life’s miracle as much time and love and as many hugs as I can before he starts squirming away from my reach. I lost out on the opportunity to physically bond with my child in utero, so we are constantly making up for lost time.

Despite welcoming a son in a way we never imagined, the love we share for us outweighs the importance of how he arrived into our lives. My husband and I fought hard for him and we will never let him forget it. I now choose to look on the bright side of my struggle to conceive and my son’s life story. The struggle was real, and it taught me many valuable and humbling lessons about self-entitlement and taking things for granted. As a result, I’m a more grateful wife, a more loving mother, and a more supportive friend. I now take time to smell the roses and do things that are important to me. So, while I will never thank my infertility outright for the unhappiness it caused me, I can appreciate it for what it taught me about myself and the kind of life I want for my family.

There will never be enough gifts, hugs, or praise to show my sister-in-law how amazing I think she is. Her selfless perspective on helping others is one in a million. In return, she only asks that we always love our son unconditionally.

Now that I have someone calling me Mama, I have my happy back. My once-broken heart is overflowing with love for my son, whether he giggles, cries, plays, or sleeps. My husband and I are continually reminded of how lucky we are to have our son, and we often remind each other of how happy we are to finally move on from our so-called infertile life.

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